Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
