im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
