After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
