C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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