i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
