peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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