did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
