I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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