I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
