She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
