Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
