fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
