butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
