i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
