Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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