pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
