i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
