his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
