Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
