Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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