I have demons in me.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
