It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
