I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
