Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
