I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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