If that was your dad, he is hot
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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