I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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