Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
