I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
