I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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