If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
