he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
