Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
