I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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