Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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