Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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