Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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