Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
