forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
