i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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