I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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