He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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