Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
