Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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