Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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