I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
