Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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