i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
