Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
