My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
foreskin is a definite game changer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
