Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's great music for shaving your balls
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
