I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
