i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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