I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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